Despite the fact that I spend at least an hour or two each day perusing my favorite sites on the web, I am a firm believer that the internet is an evil evil entity.
Why? Because it is so much harder now to win freebies. Remember back in the day, when every candy bar or soda that you opened had the potential to win you anything from a million dollars to a free candy bar or soda? You looked under the cap, or inside the wrapper, and you were an instant winner or loser. You knew right away, with no effort on your part, whether or not you had won.
Now, because of the internet, things have changed. Companies have capitalized on technology to save money by taking advantage of at least the lazy people, probably a high percentage of everyone else as well. Now everytime you look under the cap or inside the wrapper, what do you see? A code. A code that requires you to perform the following steps before you find out whether or not you won:
1. You are required to hang on to your GARBAGE until you are by a computer.
2. You have to go to the website indicated.
3. Often you have to create an account complete with password.
4. You have to enter your code.
Then the payoff finally comes. You are not a winner.
I don't know about anyone else, but whenever I see the code, I groan in disgust and throw away my garbage. I almost never go online to check the code. Maybe I could have been a million dollar winner!! Probably not, but at least 10 years ago, I would have known, and known right away.
Lousy Internet.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Yawn.
I have a theory for why people yawn. I go into this explanation with the recognition that there is probably already a reason why people yawn, but if there is already a known reason, I haven't heard about it.
You know how pleasant it is to stretch your muscles? When you get up in the morning, when you get up after spending a significant amount of time at your computer, when you get out of the car after a long drive? You just stretch out and work all those muscles and it feels great. It is therapeutic.
I think that yawning is a stretch for our insides. You open that mouth wide, stretch out the lungs, tummy, etc. Good times. It is stretching for our insides.
You know how pleasant it is to stretch your muscles? When you get up in the morning, when you get up after spending a significant amount of time at your computer, when you get out of the car after a long drive? You just stretch out and work all those muscles and it feels great. It is therapeutic.
I think that yawning is a stretch for our insides. You open that mouth wide, stretch out the lungs, tummy, etc. Good times. It is stretching for our insides.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Rhinotillexomania
Are we all a bunch of nose pickers? I recently read about a study that indicated that most adults do pick their nose. The frequency differs from person to person. Some, who pick upwards of 2-3 hours a day or more, have a clinical disorder. This brought a couple of questions to my mind.
What factors determine who picks and how much and when?
Does it depend on the climate where you live? Does it make a difference if its humid or dry, cold or warm? Does it depend on the season? More picking in the winter? More picking in North America, Canada, Africa, France?
Of one thing I can be sure. Pollution matters. I was in the Philippines for a couple of years. When I was living in the more metro, higher population areas, I noticed that my boogers turned black. My snot was polluted. Nice huh? Smoke from camping or fires also turns my boogies black.
Do people pick at the same time every day? In the same place? Always in the car where boogies can be flicked out the window? At night before sleep? Only in the bathroom (Boring)?
Are there boogers that won't come out with a solid blow that require the pick, or is it an issue of tissue availability?
Is it concern for the presence of cliffhangers in social situations that forces a thorough pick before going out in public?
Does it matter how big your shnoz is?
Does booger consistency play a role? Are people more likely to pick out the dry crusties v. the gooey ones?
Does age matter? Are children bigger pickers than adults? Teenagers?
The study also stated that eating boogies was good for the immune system. I don't think it's worth it.
What factors determine who picks and how much and when?
Does it depend on the climate where you live? Does it make a difference if its humid or dry, cold or warm? Does it depend on the season? More picking in the winter? More picking in North America, Canada, Africa, France?
Of one thing I can be sure. Pollution matters. I was in the Philippines for a couple of years. When I was living in the more metro, higher population areas, I noticed that my boogers turned black. My snot was polluted. Nice huh? Smoke from camping or fires also turns my boogies black.
Do people pick at the same time every day? In the same place? Always in the car where boogies can be flicked out the window? At night before sleep? Only in the bathroom (Boring)?
Are there boogers that won't come out with a solid blow that require the pick, or is it an issue of tissue availability?
Is it concern for the presence of cliffhangers in social situations that forces a thorough pick before going out in public?
Does it matter how big your shnoz is?
Does booger consistency play a role? Are people more likely to pick out the dry crusties v. the gooey ones?
Does age matter? Are children bigger pickers than adults? Teenagers?
The study also stated that eating boogies was good for the immune system. I don't think it's worth it.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Good ole' Chuck
My favorite 15 Chuck Norris Facts:
1. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
2. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
3. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in Manslaughter.
4. On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting involves the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
7. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
9. Death once had a Near-Chuck experience.
10. Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. No one ever asks Chuck Norris for his ID.
11. Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
12. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
13. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
14. A cobra once bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
15. Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. This has nothing to do with Ancestry. The man ate a jeep.
1. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
2. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
3. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in Manslaughter.
4. On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting involves the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
7. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
9. Death once had a Near-Chuck experience.
10. Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. No one ever asks Chuck Norris for his ID.
11. Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
12. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
13. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
14. A cobra once bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
15. Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. This has nothing to do with Ancestry. The man ate a jeep.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Second Place
I took second place in a pie eating contest. Second.
I don't know how this happened. Willis let me down. Bigtime.
My work had a summer solstice celebration on June 21st that featured a pie eating contest. I entered, and, for good reason, was very confident. I have never lost an eating contest of any kind. Ever. I can drink fast, I can eat fast, I can eat large volumes of food. I can even eat large volumes of food fast. There were originally only 5 entrants, though 2 more joined as the contest was beginning. The rules were:
No utensils
No touching the pie (You could touch the pie tin)
Pie and tin stay on the table
First to eat the entire pie wins
You could choose Banana Cream, or chocolate cream, I went with Banana.
As the opening gun sounded, a few of the obvious newbies dove nose first into their pies and started eating way to fast. I was working my way along nicely when someone mentioned an intern who was in the contest. I lookesd over, and his pie was half gone. I was maybe a quarter of the way through my pie. He was sort of cheating because he had partially lifted the pie tin off the table and bent part of it down to get a better angle on the crust. Now, I don't want you to think that I am using this as an excuse, he would probably have beat me regardless, but I did feel a little as though I had been robbed. This put all of us in a higher gear. By the time he had finished, and won, I had eaten all my filling and over half of the crust. I was a clear second place. That kid inhaled his pie. It was crazy. Someone made a comment that a hungry grad student intern could not be matched. That must be the case, because that pie disappeared awfully fast.
So, while I have been humbled, and Willis and I are still not on speaking terms, I did win second place, and recieved a major award for my troubles.
All in the name of pie.
I don't know how this happened. Willis let me down. Bigtime.
My work had a summer solstice celebration on June 21st that featured a pie eating contest. I entered, and, for good reason, was very confident. I have never lost an eating contest of any kind. Ever. I can drink fast, I can eat fast, I can eat large volumes of food. I can even eat large volumes of food fast. There were originally only 5 entrants, though 2 more joined as the contest was beginning. The rules were:
No utensils
No touching the pie (You could touch the pie tin)
Pie and tin stay on the table
First to eat the entire pie wins
You could choose Banana Cream, or chocolate cream, I went with Banana.
As the opening gun sounded, a few of the obvious newbies dove nose first into their pies and started eating way to fast. I was working my way along nicely when someone mentioned an intern who was in the contest. I lookesd over, and his pie was half gone. I was maybe a quarter of the way through my pie. He was sort of cheating because he had partially lifted the pie tin off the table and bent part of it down to get a better angle on the crust. Now, I don't want you to think that I am using this as an excuse, he would probably have beat me regardless, but I did feel a little as though I had been robbed. This put all of us in a higher gear. By the time he had finished, and won, I had eaten all my filling and over half of the crust. I was a clear second place. That kid inhaled his pie. It was crazy. Someone made a comment that a hungry grad student intern could not be matched. That must be the case, because that pie disappeared awfully fast.
So, while I have been humbled, and Willis and I are still not on speaking terms, I did win second place, and recieved a major award for my troubles.
All in the name of pie.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
The Chicken and The Egg
There is good news and bad news. The good news is that the question of which came first, the chicken or the egg, has been solved experimentally.
The bad news is that there were two experiments that resulted in opposite answers.
The first experiment involved a geneticist, a philosopher, and a chicken farmer. They reasoned that an animal cannot change its genetic makeup during its own lifetime. Therefore, according to them, the first chicken must have existed with chicken DNA in egg form first. Answer #1: The egg came first.
Link: http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/05/26/chicken.egg/
Acknowledging that I am not a geneticist, a philosopher, or a chicken farmer, I have one question about this study: Don't some animals unilaterally change their sex during their lifetime? Isn't this an example of an animal changing it's genetic makeup during it's lifetime? Maybe this isn't a genetic change, I don't know.
The second experiment involved a chicken, an egg, and the United States Postal Service. The researcher took a carefully and properly packaged chicken and separately packaged egg to the same post office at the same time and mailed them to the same location some 200 miles away.
The researcher then went to the destination to which he had mailed the packages to see which would arrive first. The chicken was the first to arrive. The egg arrived over 11 hours after the chicken. Answer #2: The chicken came first.
Link: http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume9/v9i4/chicken_egg.html
Here I question the statistical accuracy of the experiment. Shouldn't similar experiments have been performed multiple times, and in multiple locations, with multiple points of origin and multiple destinations?
While I applaud the efforts of all those involved, I suppose the waters are just as muddy as ever. We may never know the truth.
The bad news is that there were two experiments that resulted in opposite answers.
The first experiment involved a geneticist, a philosopher, and a chicken farmer. They reasoned that an animal cannot change its genetic makeup during its own lifetime. Therefore, according to them, the first chicken must have existed with chicken DNA in egg form first. Answer #1: The egg came first.
Link: http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/05/26/chicken.egg/
Acknowledging that I am not a geneticist, a philosopher, or a chicken farmer, I have one question about this study: Don't some animals unilaterally change their sex during their lifetime? Isn't this an example of an animal changing it's genetic makeup during it's lifetime? Maybe this isn't a genetic change, I don't know.
The second experiment involved a chicken, an egg, and the United States Postal Service. The researcher took a carefully and properly packaged chicken and separately packaged egg to the same post office at the same time and mailed them to the same location some 200 miles away.
The researcher then went to the destination to which he had mailed the packages to see which would arrive first. The chicken was the first to arrive. The egg arrived over 11 hours after the chicken. Answer #2: The chicken came first.
Link: http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume9/v9i4/chicken_egg.html
Here I question the statistical accuracy of the experiment. Shouldn't similar experiments have been performed multiple times, and in multiple locations, with multiple points of origin and multiple destinations?
While I applaud the efforts of all those involved, I suppose the waters are just as muddy as ever. We may never know the truth.
Friday, June 1, 2007
The Month of Willis's Discontent
I am, to put it nicely, a chubby white guy. I have a large belly. This belly gets in the way frequently, and I am getting sick of it. My belly has a name.
About 7 years ago, as my belly was still developing, I was working at an apartment complex doing maintenance. One of my buddies there found a cartoon from a newspaper that depicted a man standing, with another little head poking out of the man's stomach. My buddy decided that that was a perfect comparison to my relationship with my belly, and Willis was born.
I did not come up with the name, but it has stuck now for along time. It is sometimes nice, because I now can defer blame for certain of my behaviors.
"It wasn't me, it was Willis."
He has other advantages too.
Because of Willis, I am now eating for two.
Because of Willis, I always have someone to talk to.
Because of Willis, I am a big man.
But there are disadvantages as well.
Because of Willis, I am horribly out of shape.
Because of Willis, my dress shirts strain at the buttons. (I know, not a pleasant image. Sorry.)
Because of Willis, it is difficult for me to resist a really good cheeseburger.
The problem is that Willis is getting cocky. He is trying to take control, and I have to let him know his place. I have decided that it is time for me to inflict some damage on Willis. I doubt that he will ever truly go away, and I am not about to committ a murder. (Especially the murder of a good friend, even if our relationship is a bit rocky.) But I am prepared to force Willis into submission, to make him suffer.
So for the month of June, I am going to diet. I hate that word myself, and it makes Willis absolutely tremble in fear, but it has to happen. I will post my current weight here on Monday, and will post a final result after the month is over.
Wish me luck, and send some negative karma at Willis.
Update:
As of Monday, June 4, I weigh 288 lbs.
About 7 years ago, as my belly was still developing, I was working at an apartment complex doing maintenance. One of my buddies there found a cartoon from a newspaper that depicted a man standing, with another little head poking out of the man's stomach. My buddy decided that that was a perfect comparison to my relationship with my belly, and Willis was born.
I did not come up with the name, but it has stuck now for along time. It is sometimes nice, because I now can defer blame for certain of my behaviors.
"It wasn't me, it was Willis."
He has other advantages too.
Because of Willis, I am now eating for two.
Because of Willis, I always have someone to talk to.
Because of Willis, I am a big man.
But there are disadvantages as well.
Because of Willis, I am horribly out of shape.
Because of Willis, my dress shirts strain at the buttons. (I know, not a pleasant image. Sorry.)
Because of Willis, it is difficult for me to resist a really good cheeseburger.
The problem is that Willis is getting cocky. He is trying to take control, and I have to let him know his place. I have decided that it is time for me to inflict some damage on Willis. I doubt that he will ever truly go away, and I am not about to committ a murder. (Especially the murder of a good friend, even if our relationship is a bit rocky.) But I am prepared to force Willis into submission, to make him suffer.
So for the month of June, I am going to diet. I hate that word myself, and it makes Willis absolutely tremble in fear, but it has to happen. I will post my current weight here on Monday, and will post a final result after the month is over.
Wish me luck, and send some negative karma at Willis.
Update:
As of Monday, June 4, I weigh 288 lbs.
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