Jumanji Lobster

I have a fish tank in my office. For along time, I had a few frogs in the tank, and they were fun, but not particularly entertaining. Eventually, one of the frogs died, and another committed suicide by jumping out of the tank (through a very small hole) and drying up. So it was time for a change. I went to the store and my attention was immediately captured by a blue lobster. It was about 1-2 inches long, and a brilliant blue color. See this site for a picture of a blue lobster: http://www.elmersaquarium.com/image_fish/01%20crayfish_blue_lobster.jpg

I bought the lobster and brought him home to my tank. This might have been a lack of foresight on my part, but the lobster did not get along with the frogs. He killed both of them within a few days. I thought that it was just a territory thing, as they were all hanging out on the bottom of the tank, but I was wrong. This lobster, as it turns out, is mentally deranged.

With no more frogs, the tank was lonely with just the lobster and the pleco (Algae eater fish), so I bought some other fish to go along with it. I specifically selected agressive/semi-agressive fish, hoping that they could hold their own. The lobster proceeded over the next few months to go on a killing spree. He killed and ate 3 successive plecos, and 3 other fish. I had to keep replacing the plecos, because you need them to keep the tank clean. I tried buying bigger ones, but he was not afraid of any of them. I never saw the kills, though some of the later kills happened in broad daylight while I was in the room. The lobster was getting more and more bloodthirsty and bold. It was obviously time for a change. I took the lobster back to the store and traded him in. The guy at the store put the lobster in a tank containing only one other fish: a pleco. I did the pleco a favor and had the guy sell me the pleco so the lobster was in a tank all by itself. I brought the pleco and some other new fish back to the office and put them in the tank. Lo and behold the criminally insane lobster had made another kill right before I got him out of the tank. One of my fish had been badly injured and died the next day. That brought the body count up to 9. 9 kills. That makes me a little sad.

And then I got to thinking, what horror have I unleashed on the aquarium world? I have placed a psychotic killer lobster back on the market for some other poor unsuspecting chump. Somebody is going to be struck by the beauty of the lobster and take him home only to have a nightmare unfold in his or her tank.

And then I got to thinking again. What if I was not the first? What if this lobster has killed before? Was I just one in a cycle of naive owners whose aquariums were terrorized by this monster lobster?

Just like Jumanji.

Good luck to the next buyer.

A really big pipe.

So I found this website the other day: http://map.pequenopolis.com/

This site allows you to answer the question that has been on the back of your mind since childhood when you dug what you thought was a really deep hole in your backyard. At least, it has been bugging me since that time. I got down like 3 or 4 feet. The question is this: If I dig this hole all the way through the earth, where will I come out? The standard answer to this question was always: China. I thought it would be great to dig a hole to China, and like I stated above, I thought I got pretty close. 4 feet is pretty far down. Anyway, the above website allows you to identify exactly where your hole would come out if you did dig a hole all the way through the earth. It turns out that a hole dug in the backyard of my childhood home would come out somewhere in the middle of the Indian Ocean, so that would have been a shock.

This revelation got me to thinking. What if, in theory, I could dig a hole all the way through the earth, and put a pipe or something in my hole. When I came out on the other side of the earth at the bottom of the Indian Ocean, I would have a conduit to pipe a large amount of water out of the Indian Ocean, and into my yard. I could drain and relocate the Indian Ocean. This got me very excited for about 14 seconds, until I remembered Gravity. My theoretical theory is that the water would flow right down the pipe until it got about halfway through the earth. At that point Gravity would probably prevent it from traveling much farther down the pipe, thus thwarting my ocean relocation plan. So it didn't really work out. What a shame.

Eggs

I am very curious about eggs. Specifically, who was the first person who decided that it would be okay to eat one? What was the thought process like? How did that person get from "fragile roundish object with gross looking innards that came from a chicken" to "incredibly versatile protein rich meal possibility"?

Was it someone who found an egg on the ground and did not know where it came from? Or was it someone who knew very well where it came from and thought that it would be okay to eat despite the source?

I talked to a co-worker about this and he suggested that maybe someone saw an animal eating an egg, and got the idea from them. That seems reasonable, but it is a rather boring explanation. And no matter how it happened, somebody also had to decide, okay, maybe this thing won't kill me, maybe I should try cooking it. But did they do the hard-boiled thing first? Or did they crack it open and fry it?

The next step, of course, was the person who decided that they could mix eggs with flour and chocolate chips and make cookies. Here is a huge step forward in the development of egg cuisine.

Perhaps in the next life we will be able to look back at the history of the world and get the answers to these questions. Maybe I am the only one who cares.

My promise to you. Both of you.

I hereby promise to rarely let you know what is going on in my life. I also promise that when I do actually contribute to this blog, that the posts will be short, uninformative and uninteresting.