My favorite 15 Chuck Norris Facts:
1. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
2. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
3. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in Manslaughter.
4. On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
5. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting involves the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
7. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
9. Death once had a Near-Chuck experience.
10. Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. No one ever asks Chuck Norris for his ID.
11. Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
12. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
13. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
14. A cobra once bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
15. Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. This has nothing to do with Ancestry. The man ate a jeep.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Second Place
I took second place in a pie eating contest. Second.
I don't know how this happened. Willis let me down. Bigtime.
My work had a summer solstice celebration on June 21st that featured a pie eating contest. I entered, and, for good reason, was very confident. I have never lost an eating contest of any kind. Ever. I can drink fast, I can eat fast, I can eat large volumes of food. I can even eat large volumes of food fast. There were originally only 5 entrants, though 2 more joined as the contest was beginning. The rules were:
No utensils
No touching the pie (You could touch the pie tin)
Pie and tin stay on the table
First to eat the entire pie wins
You could choose Banana Cream, or chocolate cream, I went with Banana.
As the opening gun sounded, a few of the obvious newbies dove nose first into their pies and started eating way to fast. I was working my way along nicely when someone mentioned an intern who was in the contest. I lookesd over, and his pie was half gone. I was maybe a quarter of the way through my pie. He was sort of cheating because he had partially lifted the pie tin off the table and bent part of it down to get a better angle on the crust. Now, I don't want you to think that I am using this as an excuse, he would probably have beat me regardless, but I did feel a little as though I had been robbed. This put all of us in a higher gear. By the time he had finished, and won, I had eaten all my filling and over half of the crust. I was a clear second place. That kid inhaled his pie. It was crazy. Someone made a comment that a hungry grad student intern could not be matched. That must be the case, because that pie disappeared awfully fast.
So, while I have been humbled, and Willis and I are still not on speaking terms, I did win second place, and recieved a major award for my troubles.
All in the name of pie.
I don't know how this happened. Willis let me down. Bigtime.
My work had a summer solstice celebration on June 21st that featured a pie eating contest. I entered, and, for good reason, was very confident. I have never lost an eating contest of any kind. Ever. I can drink fast, I can eat fast, I can eat large volumes of food. I can even eat large volumes of food fast. There were originally only 5 entrants, though 2 more joined as the contest was beginning. The rules were:
No utensils
No touching the pie (You could touch the pie tin)
Pie and tin stay on the table
First to eat the entire pie wins
You could choose Banana Cream, or chocolate cream, I went with Banana.
As the opening gun sounded, a few of the obvious newbies dove nose first into their pies and started eating way to fast. I was working my way along nicely when someone mentioned an intern who was in the contest. I lookesd over, and his pie was half gone. I was maybe a quarter of the way through my pie. He was sort of cheating because he had partially lifted the pie tin off the table and bent part of it down to get a better angle on the crust. Now, I don't want you to think that I am using this as an excuse, he would probably have beat me regardless, but I did feel a little as though I had been robbed. This put all of us in a higher gear. By the time he had finished, and won, I had eaten all my filling and over half of the crust. I was a clear second place. That kid inhaled his pie. It was crazy. Someone made a comment that a hungry grad student intern could not be matched. That must be the case, because that pie disappeared awfully fast.
So, while I have been humbled, and Willis and I are still not on speaking terms, I did win second place, and recieved a major award for my troubles.
All in the name of pie.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
The Chicken and The Egg
There is good news and bad news. The good news is that the question of which came first, the chicken or the egg, has been solved experimentally.
The bad news is that there were two experiments that resulted in opposite answers.
The first experiment involved a geneticist, a philosopher, and a chicken farmer. They reasoned that an animal cannot change its genetic makeup during its own lifetime. Therefore, according to them, the first chicken must have existed with chicken DNA in egg form first. Answer #1: The egg came first.
Link: http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/05/26/chicken.egg/
Acknowledging that I am not a geneticist, a philosopher, or a chicken farmer, I have one question about this study: Don't some animals unilaterally change their sex during their lifetime? Isn't this an example of an animal changing it's genetic makeup during it's lifetime? Maybe this isn't a genetic change, I don't know.
The second experiment involved a chicken, an egg, and the United States Postal Service. The researcher took a carefully and properly packaged chicken and separately packaged egg to the same post office at the same time and mailed them to the same location some 200 miles away.
The researcher then went to the destination to which he had mailed the packages to see which would arrive first. The chicken was the first to arrive. The egg arrived over 11 hours after the chicken. Answer #2: The chicken came first.
Link: http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume9/v9i4/chicken_egg.html
Here I question the statistical accuracy of the experiment. Shouldn't similar experiments have been performed multiple times, and in multiple locations, with multiple points of origin and multiple destinations?
While I applaud the efforts of all those involved, I suppose the waters are just as muddy as ever. We may never know the truth.
The bad news is that there were two experiments that resulted in opposite answers.
The first experiment involved a geneticist, a philosopher, and a chicken farmer. They reasoned that an animal cannot change its genetic makeup during its own lifetime. Therefore, according to them, the first chicken must have existed with chicken DNA in egg form first. Answer #1: The egg came first.
Link: http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/05/26/chicken.egg/
Acknowledging that I am not a geneticist, a philosopher, or a chicken farmer, I have one question about this study: Don't some animals unilaterally change their sex during their lifetime? Isn't this an example of an animal changing it's genetic makeup during it's lifetime? Maybe this isn't a genetic change, I don't know.
The second experiment involved a chicken, an egg, and the United States Postal Service. The researcher took a carefully and properly packaged chicken and separately packaged egg to the same post office at the same time and mailed them to the same location some 200 miles away.
The researcher then went to the destination to which he had mailed the packages to see which would arrive first. The chicken was the first to arrive. The egg arrived over 11 hours after the chicken. Answer #2: The chicken came first.
Link: http://www.improbable.com/airchives/paperair/volume9/v9i4/chicken_egg.html
Here I question the statistical accuracy of the experiment. Shouldn't similar experiments have been performed multiple times, and in multiple locations, with multiple points of origin and multiple destinations?
While I applaud the efforts of all those involved, I suppose the waters are just as muddy as ever. We may never know the truth.
Friday, June 1, 2007
The Month of Willis's Discontent
I am, to put it nicely, a chubby white guy. I have a large belly. This belly gets in the way frequently, and I am getting sick of it. My belly has a name.
About 7 years ago, as my belly was still developing, I was working at an apartment complex doing maintenance. One of my buddies there found a cartoon from a newspaper that depicted a man standing, with another little head poking out of the man's stomach. My buddy decided that that was a perfect comparison to my relationship with my belly, and Willis was born.
I did not come up with the name, but it has stuck now for along time. It is sometimes nice, because I now can defer blame for certain of my behaviors.
"It wasn't me, it was Willis."
He has other advantages too.
Because of Willis, I am now eating for two.
Because of Willis, I always have someone to talk to.
Because of Willis, I am a big man.
But there are disadvantages as well.
Because of Willis, I am horribly out of shape.
Because of Willis, my dress shirts strain at the buttons. (I know, not a pleasant image. Sorry.)
Because of Willis, it is difficult for me to resist a really good cheeseburger.
The problem is that Willis is getting cocky. He is trying to take control, and I have to let him know his place. I have decided that it is time for me to inflict some damage on Willis. I doubt that he will ever truly go away, and I am not about to committ a murder. (Especially the murder of a good friend, even if our relationship is a bit rocky.) But I am prepared to force Willis into submission, to make him suffer.
So for the month of June, I am going to diet. I hate that word myself, and it makes Willis absolutely tremble in fear, but it has to happen. I will post my current weight here on Monday, and will post a final result after the month is over.
Wish me luck, and send some negative karma at Willis.
Update:
As of Monday, June 4, I weigh 288 lbs.
About 7 years ago, as my belly was still developing, I was working at an apartment complex doing maintenance. One of my buddies there found a cartoon from a newspaper that depicted a man standing, with another little head poking out of the man's stomach. My buddy decided that that was a perfect comparison to my relationship with my belly, and Willis was born.
I did not come up with the name, but it has stuck now for along time. It is sometimes nice, because I now can defer blame for certain of my behaviors.
"It wasn't me, it was Willis."
He has other advantages too.
Because of Willis, I am now eating for two.
Because of Willis, I always have someone to talk to.
Because of Willis, I am a big man.
But there are disadvantages as well.
Because of Willis, I am horribly out of shape.
Because of Willis, my dress shirts strain at the buttons. (I know, not a pleasant image. Sorry.)
Because of Willis, it is difficult for me to resist a really good cheeseburger.
The problem is that Willis is getting cocky. He is trying to take control, and I have to let him know his place. I have decided that it is time for me to inflict some damage on Willis. I doubt that he will ever truly go away, and I am not about to committ a murder. (Especially the murder of a good friend, even if our relationship is a bit rocky.) But I am prepared to force Willis into submission, to make him suffer.
So for the month of June, I am going to diet. I hate that word myself, and it makes Willis absolutely tremble in fear, but it has to happen. I will post my current weight here on Monday, and will post a final result after the month is over.
Wish me luck, and send some negative karma at Willis.
Update:
As of Monday, June 4, I weigh 288 lbs.
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