I am, to put it nicely, a chubby white guy. I have a large belly. This belly gets in the way frequently, and I am getting sick of it. My belly has a name.
About 7 years ago, as my belly was still developing, I was working at an apartment complex doing maintenance. One of my buddies there found a cartoon from a newspaper that depicted a man standing, with another little head poking out of the man's stomach. My buddy decided that that was a perfect comparison to my relationship with my belly, and Willis was born.
I did not come up with the name, but it has stuck now for along time. It is sometimes nice, because I now can defer blame for certain of my behaviors.
"It wasn't me, it was Willis."
He has other advantages too.
Because of Willis, I am now eating for two.
Because of Willis, I always have someone to talk to.
Because of Willis, I am a big man.
But there are disadvantages as well.
Because of Willis, I am horribly out of shape.
Because of Willis, my dress shirts strain at the buttons. (I know, not a pleasant image. Sorry.)
Because of Willis, it is difficult for me to resist a really good cheeseburger.
The problem is that Willis is getting cocky. He is trying to take control, and I have to let him know his place. I have decided that it is time for me to inflict some damage on Willis. I doubt that he will ever truly go away, and I am not about to committ a murder. (Especially the murder of a good friend, even if our relationship is a bit rocky.) But I am prepared to force Willis into submission, to make him suffer.
So for the month of June, I am going to diet. I hate that word myself, and it makes Willis absolutely tremble in fear, but it has to happen. I will post my current weight here on Monday, and will post a final result after the month is over.
Wish me luck, and send some negative karma at Willis.
Update:
As of Monday, June 4, I weigh 288 lbs.
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3 comments:
Wow! Way to be the man Eric. (Sorry Willis but you are not the man. You are not cute, handsome, or even sexy. If you weren't married I wouldn't recommend you to any of my friends. You get in the way of fun stuff and prevent the "Man" from enjoying his life as much as he should. In the end you might even lesson the amount of life he has. You are selfish and undisciplined. It is time you learn your place.) I know you can do it Eric. I hate to admit to having to diet but self-discipline has not been a strong point in my life. I am pleased to say though that I am learning it and have lost 17 lbs since March. I have decided that learning to control myself is why I am on the earth, controlling eating, and my tongue mainly. I am proud of you!!
Dont get too excited now. Willis is not going completely away. He will be a part of me forever. This is a "Willis Reduction Effort" meant to allow me to reassert control over our relationship. I am merely putting down a pesky insurrection.
Steven said...
Dear Willis,
I am not sorry to say that I am looking forward to your wasting illness...and eventual demise. You have been a member of Eric's family, it is true, but not particularly welcome. In fact, I think the way you force yourself between Eric and wife is totally obnoxious. You prevent true closeness between Eric and his boys, too, determining way too much what activities he can do with them. Eric is smart, creative, and productive. But under your influence he becomes sluggish and limited. So...good-bye Willis. I'm glad to say it. I always knew Eric would wake up and end the relationship one day. I recognize it will be painful for Eric to let you go. It will cost something in attention and determination. But He has always been steadfast (even stubborn) and will be able to endure all your taunts and whining. So there.
Mom
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