Paulsen's Law

You are all familiar with Murphy's Law, which is that "if anything can go wrong, it will". Danyael and I have decided that we are ruled by Paulsen's Law, which is this - "Murphy's Law always applies to the Paulsens".

We always arrive at the store right after they sold the last item of whatever it is we wanted, or when the truck to ship it out is broken. If there is one package in the store with a missing piece, we will pick it. Tickets for the show or the flight or the whatever go on sale the week after we go. We buy something good, and a coupon for it arrives the next day. If we lose something, and wait 4 years to replace it, we will find the missing item the week after we break down and pay for the replacement. Things break right after the warrantee expires. We only get sick on holiday weekends, when the doctors are not available and the pharmacies are closed, and its a holiday weekend. In retrospect, its a miracle it didn't rain on our wedding day.

It happens over and over again, and it never ends.

Mostly we find it funny.

He is his father's son

My younger boy had a recent homework assignment where he was given a timeline showing the days of the week, and asked to list imorportant things that happen during the week. This is what he wrote:

Monday: Lunch
Tuesday: Lunch
Wednesday: Lunch
Thursday: Lunch
Friday: Short day at school

At least he has his priorities straight.

Update: Autosomal-dominant Compelling Helio-Ophthalmic Outburst syndrome

Thanks to my sister, I have a greater understanding of why the sun makes me sneeze. I am, apparently, a photic sneezer, and it is all due to some crossed wires in the brain. A trigger that should trigger my eyes, also triggers my nose. Stupid brain.

Apparently between 10% and 30% of people are photic sneezers, who like me, suffer from Autosomal-dominant Compelling Helio-Ophthalmic Outburst syndrome (ACHOO).

Also, apparently I was on the right track with my experimentation thing. According to the article, if your eyes are closed, or if you are wearing sunglasses, you don't sneeze.

See the below article for more information.

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=looking-at-the-sun-can-trigger-a-sneeze

Thanks Shannon!

Why does the sun make me sneeze?

Is it just me? Does this happen to anyone else? If I walk outside, and the sun is shining, most of the time, it makes me sneeze. It can happen any time of day (except after dark, obviously). I don't get it!

Are light particles traveling up my nose and tickling something?
Am I allergic to sunlight?
Is this a sign that I should just stay inside?
Why doesn't artificial light make me sneeze?
Why doesn't moonlight make me sneeze?
Or starlight?
Would it make a difference if I walked outside but had my eyes covered, or closed?
What if I was wearing an oxygen mask?
What if I was holding my breath?

Perhaps some expirimentation is in order.

Does anyone else have different, random, nonsensical sneeze triggers?

Motor Mouth

Do you ever hear the sound of a motor or some other electronic device and think that the device is talking to you?

We have a new son, he was born on Oct. 19. When we brought him home from the hospital, we got out the crib, the diapers, the carseat, and the swing.

The swing talks to me. It always has.

When the swing is on, the motion of the gears and the sound of the motor makes words. I don't try to put words in its mouth, I just listen to what it is saying. It is usually a 3 or 4 word phrase, which, of course, repeats itself over and over. From time to time the entire phrase or a part of it changes as you listen. When we got it out this time, and turned it on for the first time, I remembered.

Unfortunately, what the swing says rarely makes any sense. Below are some recent phrases.

"Green acres, I also"
"I am finished"
"have some blue"

Wouldn't it be better if it made sense?

Other Strange Child

Just so you don't get the impression that my older son is not strange like his brother, consider the following.

My older boy made me a thank you card in church this week. It said:

"Thank Moo, Thank moo dad, I hope you like football milk."

Below this was a picture of a cow.


I don't know.

Strange Child

My son is an oddball. A hilarious oddball. Today, he was doing his homework. When he was finished I told him:

Write your name on the page
Put the page in your folder
Put the folder in your backpack

He followed with:

Put the backpack in the oven
Put the oven on the rocketship
Put the rocketship on the moon

Then he walked out of the room.

What???

Stuck in a dream

I have another issue with dreams. Do you ever have dreams where you are trying to get somewhere, or accomplish a certain thing, and you can't do it? I regularly have dreams where I am trying to perform a simple task, pack for a trip, eat a meal, find someone I'm looking for, and I get stuck and no matter how hard I try, I can't accomplish the task. It becomes increasingly frustrating to the point that I wake up, and am relieved that I no longer have to complete the task. In the most recent version of this dream, I was trying to drive to school. No matter which way I turned, I could not get out of a specific neighborhood. There was construction on one street, heavy traffic on another, a dead end... it was unbelievable. In another, I am trying to round up my family so that we can leave a house. I couldn't get everybody to be in the same place at once. In another, I am trying to get from a restaurant, across the street to a hotel. I can't manage it.

Why do dreams have to be frustrating? They are my dreams! Why can't I do what I want to do? I need more control over what is happening. I am busy enough during the day, I do not need my sleep interrupted by frustrating dreams. On some occasions, when I wake up from a dream, I can mentally alter the path of the dream to accomplish what I want. Why do I have to wake up for this? Usually, when this happens, the dream takes a twist and the story changes. Is that because I have interfered with the plotline "Mess with Eric"?

I am not talking here about nightmares or scary dreams. I don't mind scary dreams, because I look forward to the tremendous relief that comes when I wake up from those. It is the frustrating ones that drive me crazy.

TV is awesome?

Actual shows that were on TV last night, and not on the same channel:

1. Christ in the city
2. Kick Ass Miracles

Yeah.

Dark Meat

I have a question. Where has all the dark meat gone? Every commercial I see for restaurants advertises "all white meat" chicken. White meat chicken nuggets, white meat chicken breasts, white meat chicken fingers, white meat chicken chicken. The same is true for frozen chicken. You see more "all white meat" chicken patties, nuggets, etc.

So where is the dark meat? Have they genetically engineered chickens to only have white meat? Seems unlikely. Is it being fed to hungry people at homeless shelters? Shipped overseas? Stockpiled for anticipated future chicken shortages? Has it been weaponized? Is it being burned as fuel? Being hurled at oil company executives? Is the White House involved?

Just curious.

Battle of the Big Wheel

There is an ongoing battle at my house that I need to vent about. Whenever we buy a package of treats, be they donuts, candy bars, oreos, or ice cream sandwiches, we decide up front how much each of us is entitled to.

For example, in a box of six donuts, two are for me, two are for Danyael, and the boys each get one. In a package of cookies, one row for me, one row for Danyael, and the boys share the third row. This is fair.

It is my fault that we have to make this apportionment at all. I admit that. I am guilty of eating more than my share on multiple occasions. With the above system, everyone is assured of getting their fair share. (I have issues with what is a fair share, but that is a an issue for anther day - Okay, briefly, shouldn't the largest share go to the person who both wants the most and has the most capacity to consume?)

Here is the problem. There is, in my freezer at home, at this very moment, a single big wheel ice cream sandwhich. That ice cream sandwhich has been in there, all by itself, for not less than 6-7 weeks. 6-7 weeks of chocolaty frozen goodness, tempting me, calling to me. But I can't touch it. Why? Because it belongs to Danyael. I already ate my share. If I suggest that she should eat it, or else I will, I get the beat down. It belongs to her.

This is ridiculous. The apportionment of share to specific foodstuffs should have an expiration date. When we bought the ice cream sandwhiches, and decided that that particular one belonged to Danyael, we should have also decided how long that apportionment lasted. The amount of time depends on the item. I think for a frozen treat, 72 hours is ideal, but would settle for one week. The time frame for Donuts? 24 hours. After that they are stale. In any case, once the time runs, the goodies are fair game.

This is logical right?

Right now, if you are reading and you are a dude, you are thinking "Yes absolutely, go eat the big wheel!" If you are reading and you are a female, you are thinking "Hey fair is fair, you had your share, she will eat it when she is good and ready."

One food fits all

Are there any universally tasty foods? Foods that no one dislikes? I'm not saying food that everyone loves or everyone craves, but foods that everyone agrees are pleasant tasting.

So far I have a grand total of 3 candidates:

1. French Fries
2. Bananas
3. Graham Crackers

I fully recognize that many in the world may not have tasted some of these, but I want to know about those that have tasted, and the likelihood that they would be universally tasty if everyone had. Does anyone know of anyone who doesn't like these? Anymore to add to the list?

Space - An unending supply of Rootbeer

It occurred to me the other night as I was staring into the night sky, that despite all we do now know about space, there is still a massive amount of information that we don't know. With that in mind, it seems to me that, as far as space is concerned, virtually anything is possible. For example, it is possible that there is a planet out there made out of marshmallow. Or a moon that is actually made out of cheese.

There might be a planet where the people live underground or underwater, and make exploratory trips to the surface.

There might be a planet where most travel occurs through the center of the planet, maybe via big pipes (That's right!).

There might be a planet with oceans made of rootbeer.

There might be a planet where the streets are actually paved with gold.

What about a planet with zero G?

A planet with double G?

A planet where it actually rains cats and dogs?

The possibilities, as usual, are endless.

Do not go dirty into that good night.

I always shower at night. I think that that puts me in the minority. Don't most people shower in the morning? I can't go to bed feeling dirty/sweaty etc. I have to go to bed, and to sleep, clean. Is this not the case for anyone else? How do you do it?

I also always wash my hair last. It always is the part of a shower that makes me feel clean, so I save it for last. Am I alone in this?

Just curious.

Things to appreciate in Hawai'i

1. Warm weather
2. Sandy beaches
3. Island cuisine - fish and rice, pork, etc.
4. 2008 convertible Ford Mustang
5. The ocean
6. Volcanoes
7. Submarines
8. Snorkeling and fish
9. Whales
10. Swap meets

Bear fight!

I want to wrestle a bear. Not a big bear, a good medium sized black or brown bear. Maybe a bear "teenager". I have harbored this desire for a long time now and felt that I should come public. It is likely that this opportunity will never arise, but I still want to do it. A co-worker suggested that in order to wrestle a bear, I might have to leave the country. That is probably true. Bear wrestling is probably frowned upon by most. I recognize that I would probably suffer some injuries, but it might be totally worth it to wrestle a bear. How many people can tell that story?

The Last Great Invention - Maybe

I was flipping through the channels the other day and I caught a few minutes of the movie The Time Machine. I realized that if someone were truly able to build a time machine, then that person and their progeny would be the last great inventor(s). I don’t think that the answer here would be to jump 50 years into the future and see all the new technologies and bring those back. Our abilities to reverse engineer technologies are surely limited. Instead, I see it this way.

Our inventor, who already has his/her time machine, realizes a need. They need a device that does X. Instead of actually working on developing the device, the inventor can make some assumptions. Assuming it is possible to create such a device based on the technologies that are or will be available in the inventor’s lifetime, then it is reasonable to assume that, given the right amount of resources and time, that the device will eventually be invented. So, the inventor tells himself “When, in the future, you or someone else actually develops this technology, use the time machine, come back to the point in time 3 minutes from now, and tell me how to do it. In 3 minutes, future inventor shows up with the device and some instructions, and all is well. Then all that development time and those resources are saved. The danger of not being able to reverse engineer is alleviated because the jump to the future is moderate. All the inventor is doing is eliminating the time and resources needed to invent. Those time and resources are expended in a future which ceases to exist when the device is brought back to the present. So long as the inventor keeps the time machine invention quiet, our inventor will be last of the great inventors.

I also thought of a way to test this theory. I want to be the last great inventor. I make the assumption as I type this, that it will be possible in my lifetime, with the proper amount of time and resources, to invent a time machine. So, future self, when that development happens, whether it’s done by you or by someone else, come back in time to the moment 3 minutes from now, and let me know how to do it. Waiting…Waiting….Waiting…

No dice. This is clear and incontrovertible proof that time travel will not be invented in my lifetime. Or, at the very least, if it is invented in my lifetime, the inventor will be smart enough to not let anyone else know about it. This is exactly what I suggested. I suppose that it is only proof that time travel will not be invented by me. Bummer. But at least I know that there is no point in wasting the time and resources working on it.

Manly Names For Men

As a service to the community, I present a list of great names for boys, in no particular order of preference.

1. Beef
2. Rock
3. Bullet
4. Stone
5. Steak
6. Brick
7. Trout
8. Max
9. Leather
10. Pistol
11. Meat
12. Knife
13. Truck
14. Power

You're Welcome.